When I started my blog, a good friend told me that 90% of it was just showing up. Unfortunately, I allowed life to get in the way, and I stopped showing up. This past year has been hard, in some ways there were challenges that were good for us, but in some ways the challenges almost broke us. 

When I left off last, we were preparing for the annual volleyball tournament, I was interviewing for a new job, and after I accepted the position, things got very busy, very quickly. I wanted to post then, but I was swamped with training and I had to hit the ground running at work. This new job is so very rewarding, I absolutely love it.  It feels like home, and my staff is fantastic. I enjoy going every day, and I’m often sad to leave. I lose track of time while at work. I’m inspired by the students and staff that I work with. They make me want to work so hard to give our kids the best education and more opportunities. It is a lot of hours away from home, which we knew when I took the job, but nevertheless has been an adjustment. Harvest was hard. We had to shuffle our boy from sitter to sitter for weeks.  We know that we will figure out our new routines, and it will be fine once we get this first year under our belt.

In July, we found out we were pregnant, and again, I wanted to blog, but I was a bit shocked and life was already crazy. In late September, I went to a regular check up. I was eighteen weeks and my sister was getting married the following weekend. Brian was in the field for harvest, so I took my mom to hear the baby’s heartbeat and to help with George. As George colored on the floor, the nurse and my doctor struggled to find a heartbeat. I was a nervous wreck. This pregnancy had not felt the same at all. I was anxious and crabby, completely different than my first. I was having nightmares about losing my baby. As an ultrasound confirmed that my baby had no heartbeat, it told me something I already knew. I was given pamphlets of information about miscarriage and various procedures, but on the way home I received a call telling me that those would not be an option and that I would have to deliver my baby.  My doctor gave me some time to process the information.

In the mean time, My sister had an amazing wedding day, our friends and family traveled to her husbands family home in Indiana to share in her big day. It was a great weekend, and looking back, I am so thankful I was given that extra time to be with my baby.  I think that time to process this horrible news with him was a huge blessing. I had asked everyone to be as normal as possible, because I could not handle dealing with such sadness while we were supposed to be celebrating. I did not want this news to dampen Chelbi’s big day, a day that she very much deserved. 

When we came back from the wedding, Brian and I checked into our hospital. We were prepared for a long, difficult delivery. We were told it could take hours, and be very painful. I had prayed, and asked others to pray, for a fast, easy delivery. George took his time getting here, and I could not imagine how difficult a repeat of that would be without a baby to take home. 

On October 3rd, Gus Andrew Hiler was born, after a brief, easy labor. We were able to spend a few hours with him, snuggling, rocking, and singing him songs. We told him how much he was loved, and all about his big brother. We laid him to rest the following Sunday, in the same place Brian and I will someday be buried. It was all a little surreal, honestly. This experience ushered us into a club that we never wanted to be a part of, but one whose members are so kind and gentle. So many people reached out to us is so many ways, and we are forever grateful for their love. These past few months have been so hard in unexpected ways. It has taken its toll on our marriage and our work; every aspect of our lives has been touched by this. I am sure we will come out stronger for having gone through it, and we are better now than we were in the beginning, but things are still hard. 

The holidays were almost too sparkly, too colorful. They hurt my eyes a little, and my heart a lot. I hung two new stockings, we had new ornaments for both of our boys on the tree. George was so fun through the Christmas celebrations, he really is starting to experience the joy that is the season, and I am so grateful for that. Brian and I took it easy and had planned to get away to Mexico for a week to celebrate our upcoming anniversary, unfortunately, we had to cancel. We will get there. Hopefully, we will be able to take things a little slower in 2018, and take care of each other a little bit better.  We’ve had a nice break, just being together, celebrating with friends and family. 

I know this has been a long post, and maybe a little disjointed, but I needed to put it all down so we could move forward. I couldn’t jump back in to writing about the amazing things happening in our lives and in our little town until I shared this. I look forward to continue showing up on this little blog in 2018, I am also hoping to write about some of the events that I’ve missed these past few months.  May this new year be a chance to flourish and focus, with many blessings and prosperity to us all.